September 11th, 2012.
I’m going to do my best to keep this uplifting. So much has been written regarding 9/11. I cannot do justice to the subject beyond what has already been said, so I’m not going to. This is about my personal experience of September 11th 2012 during Fashion Week.
It isn’t about glamor, though it did play its role in its way as I had to disguise to the world what I was experiencing as best i could. That I was in NYC on Tuesday has everything to do with NYFW. But it was a very challenging day. I was caught in the paradox of an intense inner experience countered by an equal but opposite very intense outer experience. The former was truly emotional/spiritual the latter very physical/mental.
Let me start by saying that I made my career first as Clairvoyant Empath. I have read more people than I can count. Public situations, especially crowds, have always been tricky. Get me in a roomful of people focusing on the same stimuli, like a movie theater & the energy stays with me for a few days. That was wonderful for Lord of the Rings, not so great for Hellraiser.
Tuesday morning I woke up tapped into the collective emotions of everybody focusing on the anniversary of the NYC Twin Tower attacks of 9/11/2001. The alarm went off at 10:30am & I knew I was in trouble. I didn’t meditate or anything before going to bed. I got in at midnight after a truly magnificent day attending Viktor Luna’s show, Kimberly Goldson’s show & then a really posh, wonderful after party at Noir on East 50th. Really, I got home, showered & passed out in my bed. I wonder now if I took the 30 minutes to light a candle, say a prayer & sit in silence if the next day would have been easier. I don’t know.
“My child, no one is ever told what might have been” Aslan, Voyage of the Dawn Treader.
That said, I knew upon waking, waning Moon in Cancer, exhausted & wanting to stay in bed & cry I had some decisions I had to make fast. I did my best to lift my vibration. With every degree it raised it felt like I dropped 2. Moments of hope & optimism were fleeting as I was easily distracted by what was going on that morning. Achy, moody & scattered, I got my shit together, said a prayer & called Eila. I really didn’t want to head straight into NYC, the global focus of the day’s grief & mourning.
Now, I am not a flat-leaver. If I can’t make something I make sure all parties involved know in advance etc. I am, after all, an event producer. I told her I was in bad shape, would take her into the city for the day, but it was probably my last day. I would do what I could to get her there for the rest of the week without me. We agreed to discuss it when I got to her home & take it from there.
I was a red hot empathic mess on the drive over. I was literally fighting back the urge to break down & cry on the Southern State Parkway. At the same time I’m reaching for my guides who are very clearly telling me I’m fine & that this was expected to happen eventually. They conveyed that what I was experiencing was a combination of maybe 30 different things, 9/11 being the tipping point into empathic pain.
We all have a psychic immune system that we often call the aura, energy system or personal energy field. Consider the complex network of Chakras & energy meridians as similar to your endocrine & physical immune system. It is really good at dealing with external negativity, what Caroline Myss calls Psychic Free Radicals. But if we don't keep our own balance, it gets overrun with toxicity, just like the body's physical immune system & we get sick.
I started to make peace with it all, that it wasn’t time to cry as I was driving. But there was no sense beating myself up about it either. Making peace with where I am has been a HUGE part of my lessons in general this year. Resisting what you feel is not only futile but is eventually toxic. Whether this was my empathing the mass global emotion of the day or sheer burnout didn’t matter all of a sudden. I was where I was & I could just get Eila, drive, park, sit & pray while she was doing her thing. Then I could just pick her up, eat dinner & drive home.
Eila was amazing about it. She puts up with a good deal of my strange metaphysical ramblings. She’s a skeptic, but open minded. She also knows I’m not nuts & predominantly a happy person. I don’t think I scared her necessarily, she’s known me forever. But she really took care of me that day. She dropped a few shows to shorten our day, gave away tickets to really good shows, made sure we ate well & most of all, she understood without knowing. THAT is unconditional Love. She didn’t really know what I was going through, but she understood I wasn’t doing great. So she helped where she could. Her continued support & humor got me through the small steps that made up the day.
So we get to Lincoln Center, park in a garage & walk into the tents. Eila refused to let me sit in the car on the streets & paid for the parking so I could walk around. I’m glad she did & I’m glad I did. It’s not that I stepped into LC & suddenly the birds sang & the day was fine. No, the opportunity to snap into business mode was perfect. I got her off to her shows & I went to smoke a butt in the Pepsi 0 sponsored outdoor, smoker’s lounge, photo op thingy space. I was met by others who were more than kind, bumming butts, which I was happy to share & mild chit-chat was had.
Keeping a poker face in place I did my best to shield myself from the waves of emotion I was picking up in the general atmosphere, but it was a stark contrast. On one hand there was the fast paced fashion week energy with Fashion Police filming at the tents (I really adore Kelly Osborne.) On the other hand was this deep sadness over the whole global issue of 9/11 & what would turn out to be the rage of eventual embassy attacks in Libya & elsewhere. What an emotional, empathic clusterfuck.
All I wanted to do was connect with the people I love & tell them that I loved them. I wanted to rush home, hug my Mom, my cat Sabastian & make sure Amy knew how important she is to me. Amy Krinner, by the way, one of my best friends, High Priestess & Non-Romantic Life Partner, was essential to my whole being able to take off for a week to for the whole fashion world thing. She taught Witchclass on Monday night solo (Wheel of the Year) looked after Sabastian & held down the fort in my absence. I’ve said it before, I am nothing without her & would have been swinging from a noose many times over without her love & support. She’s also a very powerful Cancerian & Witch, so she got what I was going through immediately. It is so good to be understood by those you love.
Long story short (too late) the rest of the day shot by quickly. I don’t remember much of it except sitting in traffic on the way home & Eila making me laugh. She’s really good at that, as we have shared inside jokes going back decades. By the time I got home I was much better. I ate, drank a lot of water, showered, watched Rachel Maddow (she is my new absentee, doesn’t know I adore her too, friend) then slipped into my spiritual practice before passing out.
Thankfully I was able to finish out the week with Eila. We got her to her shows & I was clear about making sure I took care of myself for the remaining days. I packed food, ate a crapload of Fiber One bars as they were being handed out constantly at the tents (Chocolate + Caramel + Burlap = delicious) I stayed in a place of ‘prayer without cease' as best I could. I am really proud of myself in retrospect.
I learned that I am wicked good at what I do as a friend & a Professional Witch, but I have my blind spots. Though I am a NYC Traffic Jedi (you should see me do traffic magick in midtown during rush hour) endless driving is not my thing. I’m also much better off isolating myself during times of intense emotional atmosphere. But I can’t always enjoy that luxury. I also learned that though I have no serious blood sugar issues, if I don’t eat & take care of myself physically, it is hard for me to focus my mind & achieve vibrational alignment with my Source.
Tuesday September 11th, 2012 was a harsh day, but one I shifted archetypally from Victim to Victor (no Luna pun intended) bit by bit & with great love & understanding from the women in my life. I think Caroline Myss would have been proud of me. I also sent out several text, tweet & Facebook messages to the people I loved, telling them how glad I am that I know them, even those I haven’t seen in years. It even opened up new lines of communication with a few of them, who were feeling similar.
But the best part for it all was seeing how many were feeling the same way & who had trouble shaking it off. You see, I am a predominantly uplifted & happy person. When people see me shaken, if not stirred, it is often alarming to them. But I never ever said I was happy 100% of the time, nor perfect. I am still walking my path, hitting my pitfalls & missing my blind spots. But if anything I am a Witch & a Mystic at heart, one who takes responsibility for my emotional & physical manifestations. Deliberate Creation isn’t always easy. But I do heal, learn & grow as I go. Then, I get the joy of teaching it all by example & verbally in posts like this & in the various readings, classes & other events I find myself in.
To this, though the day in question was hard, I rose from my own ashes anyway. I think America is like that. We are a perpetual Phoenix Archetype of a country, rising & falling, again & again. That is the transformative spiritual path my friends & in the words of the beloved Stevie Nicks, “Sometimes it’s a bitch, sometimes it’s a breeze.” Thankfully I got to do it looking good, if not so much feeling good. But wings of fire spread I am still rising. The Moon is new & now in Libra, the Cardinal Air sign. So I will be spending today in reflection, focusing on what I love, balancing my mind & seeing what comes next.
Part IV will be written soon as I want to consolidate this all in overview. Keep tuned for 1 more & I will do my best to stay tuned to Source as best I can throughout.
Mark A Lyons
Follow me on Twitter @ProfWitch